Sequoia Wild

I am in awe. I have discovered that the healthy closure process of leaving for a long time is a little like how I imagine faking your own death and attending your memorial service would be. My friends have used this opportunity to express their appreciation, respect, admiration and love for me. Whatever part of me still doubts that I am valued, that I mean something to the people around me, that I effect the lives of those I care about, that I live in people’s hearts, that I am a good person… this part has mainly melted away during these past few weeks. Seeing the tears in the eyes of my loved ones was almost too much to let in, but as I allow myself to stay in heart-to-heart with them, it becomes obvious that we would have this kind of connection because of who we are and what I know in my own heart about my love for them. What a gift to receive undeniable proof of being loved by so many wonderful people! It opens my own heart to my own love for myself, which in turn gives me permission to not hold myself back in engaging ever deeper with the Self that both they and I love. While many aspects of this journey could be described as spiritual, I conceive of it in a less heady way… it is really only about love. When I took Love as my seventh middle name I feared I was being presumptuous- especially given that I feel that I have only truly learned (remembered?) what true love is in the past few years. But it is not presumptuous at all. I know exactly what love is, and I know how to live it, even if I am out of practice in many areas of my life, and even if refining my acquisition techniques will be a lifelong practice. And I’ve come to understand something else about myself- I love beauty above all. I feel the most ‘right’ when I am surrounded in beauty, when I let beauty into my heart, when I act with beauty, when I am beautiful. And the most beautiful feeling of all is integrity- when my insides match my outsides, when I align my life with my true self. This requires the work of continuous discovery of my truth in tandem with building skills to create a customized life. I love this work. This work is beautiful. So these three guiding concepts- integrity, beauty, love- are my compass for happiness in this life. That I have figured this out is miracle enough- that I have a growing number of inner circle friends who know and love this about me swells my heart. (more…)