I totally fail at updating. This is partially because I’m back in Boston, which is relatively familiar to all of you (at least compared to Asia), living the day-to-day work life that I assume you wouldn’t find terribly interesting- but more honestly, it is probably because my ponderings have been intensely personal since March or so. I am fairly open about my process on my blog, but the kinds of realizations I’ve had recently are still too tender to put out in the universe yet in more than a general fashion. They are almost all connected with love, a topic which part of me tried to keep me from processing until I knew I was completely safe. Apparently it took about two and a half years for me to find that part of myself. (more…)
Archive for the ‘Music’ Category
Surpassing myself
2011 -
07.08
One of my friends from high school who heard me sing all the time, in hearing my demo of Lush Life, said I sounded better now than I did in high school. Secretly, I’d been wondering this myself, because I have no recordings of how I used to sound, but even having not sung for 10 years I have a suspicion that I couldn’t help but have learned more than I knew at 16. But his comment has rocked my world.
Seriously, I suddenly had the thought that if that’s true, without realizing it I was limiting myself to “getting as good as I used to be” instead of considering surpassing myself! In getting in shape, too! Hmm… what would my motivation feel like if my goal was not a comparison to my ‘golden age’ but was creating a new and better golden age more awesome than I have yet experienced in my life?! Woah. *lets it soak in* That feels lusciously different!
Thanks, Mike!
Winter Singing Gig!
2010 -
12.13
Having mentioned that I was a jazz singer, my boss asked me to sing at the company party today! I sang:
- Let it snow
- White Christmas
- Winter Wonderland
- The Christmas Song
- I’ve got my love to keep me warm
It was a great experience. Everyone complimented me earnestly and I really enjoyed myself. It was great to be up on stage again, and especially considering the weird issues with dehydration I’ve had recently, I am happy with my performance. One person said that they didn’t think the audience truly appreciated what an artist they had in front of them, and that really gave me the confidence to apply to music school. I am realizing, once again, that many people literally can’t hold a tune, many people have pitch but no control or expression, and the fact that I can do what I can do is a rare talent that I should never take for granted. I can’t imagine what it would be like for me if I loved music the way I do but hadn’t been gifted with the voice I have. I should sing every day as a celebration of my fortune! And while being on stage I also remembered the aspects of my singing that I have always wanted to improve; my shy body movements during instrumentals, my confidence in belting and chest voice, my willingness to woo the audience and take myself seriously… all of the work I have done on myself in general is contributing to these areas, and the idea that in the near future I will be able to focus exclusively on becoming the best singer I can be is just a dream come true!
Then, after the party, a bunch of us went out to this cute bar and then to karaoke, where I sang Iron Maiden, Nightwish and some awesome classic duets with my new friends. I’m glad we did the karaoke AFTER my gig because I completely killed my voice being Bruce Dickenson, but ‘Bring your daughter to the slaughter’ was really satisfying, and Wishmaster was just hilarious as always– apparently my air guitaring was impressive because I got cheers for rocking out. I so need to learn that instrument when I am at rock school. It was so refreshing to hang out with other people (at all) and also to hear their Japanese… truly inspiring about what is possible. As soon as I am done applying for music schools I am going to throw myself in to learning as much Japanese as possible before I leave this awesome country. I had an awesome time with Dave, Kevin, Vanessa, Erin, Corey, Jack and I’m sure some other peeps I am forgetting! I hope we can continue to hang out together as much as possible! Though it is always a challenge to balance all my personal quests with a social life, since I spend every non-working waking moment writing, singing, studying or exercising. Oh, what a life! and Katherine will be here in 9 days! I am so happy!
Also, I need to give myself full props for having the courage to wear a sexy bright red size 10 dress given my body issues! But I just couldn’t be a jazz singer without a sexy dress. Seeing the video is a reality check for both how much I really am going to love being in shape again AND how much more in touch with my body I am now than I’ve ever been, even when I was my proper weight, because of all the work I’ve been doing. This week my food groove was off because it suddenly got cold and my body’s needs shifted, but next week I have a better idea of how to do a winter version of my food routine, so alls well. I also got support about my weight and healthy lifestyle from Dave and Corey, which was awesome. Also got to chat about queer stuff with Dave, which was so therapeutic… I hadn’t realized how much I missed my usual dose of gay, and it was nice to be out to real humans instead of pretending to be Joe American at school. All in all, this day was fantastic!
I’m going back to music school!
2010 -
09.21
I am remembering myself. Somehow, the intense personal work I have done over the past 5 years to find and free myself has finally brought me to the place I knew I would end up… actively pursuing the path indicated by my brief years of happiness before my dark time set in: 16-17, when everyone knew I was a musician, an artist, a hippy, a lover, a poet-writer, a beauty, a glorious spark full of color and energy. I knew what my dreams were, and I believed in myself. I was in love and that love encouraged me to move forward and attain my dreams at any cost. I was both accomplishing the most I ever had and was the most relaxed and rested that I had ever been. It was a golden time for me, and I learned so much about who I was and what I wanted in my life from this time. (more…)
May everyone have someone they can sing this to…
2010 -
07.07
Whenever I need a good cry, I listen to this song, sung by Hitomi in the anime Escaflowne. Just finished crying my way through the last 5 episodes of Wolf’s Rain, and had to bring out more Yoko Kanno to top it off. She is such a goddess, and I am such the fool for her. I always knew what this song was about before ever knowing any Japanese… you can just feel it.
also for Katherine, who shares my heartbreak-joy.