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    32 and careerless


    2012 - 01.08

    I’ve gotten myself into a pickle. Unless I am forgetting something (which is entirely possible) my professional qualifications look like this:

    1. Teaching/Tutoring/Instruction: unlicensed teaching in subjects like high school mathematics and recently English and ESL but also in computers, science and theatre. All ages, weird schools, a year in Japan. I have received the most training in ESL teaching, but still have not embraced it as a career. It looks like, unless I get some sweet corporate gig, this job pays $10-15K less than it does abroad. If I was doing exclusively tutoring, however… but that takes time. I secretly love this job, though. Do I love it enough to really learn how to do it well?
    2. Writing/Editing: All based on natural talent/AP English training for expository style writing. My job at Pearson was my only official editor experience (other than while tutoring) and I didn’t learn any copy editing, so I can’t get copy editing jobs. This job is the nicest blend of left and right brained effort and theoretically pays well, 1:1 or corporate.
    3. Counseling: I have a Master’s degree but have not done my 2 years of post-masters internship or gotten my license. This could turn into something but it would require focusing on it exclusively and would take a while. In the end, this might be the most profitable avenue.
    4. Tech: The last operating system I did anything technical with was Win2K, and even then I was faking it. My quality assurance internship was running ethernet cable and I only know how to talk about computers, not actually write code or admin anything. Plus, doing it is actually not that interesting- more of a spectator sport for me. Microsoft Office is my bitch, but other than (1 or 2) this is just a basic required skill. I could get a job as a lab tech or a customer support guy, but it would pay less than what I am making now. I have no way to make what I might have as a 32-year-old who had stayed in the field.
    5. Performing arts: As much as I would love to get back into it, the last time I was a stage manager was in 1999. I don’t remember how to do lights or sound anymore, either. Not that this would pay well, anyway. But if I wanted to make it happen, I’d find a way. Again, I could get a job in the same role I had when I was 20, but I’d be making dirt.
    6. Martial Arts: A job where I used all of myself would probably the only thing that could hold my passion for the rest of my life. And that means something physical bound with the intellectual, emotional and spiritual satisfaction of the other career paths. Maybe someday this will be what I do, but having taken 1 kendo class and 2 weeks of kung fu, this will need to stay a ’side-passion’ for a long time… decades, maybe… before I will be expert enough to shift it to my main path.
    7. Japanese: There are Japanese teachers in the world, maybe I could be one of them someday? This is probably about as far off as the martial arts one.

    Birthday in… London?


    2011 - 08.04

    Where was I?

    This is actually posted on January 8, 2012 when I realized there was a month when I didn’t update at all. That’s because this was the month from hell. I ran out of money in Europe, to my infinite shame, barely got home and then was completely dependent on the charity of my friends for a month… and while I was able to find a job in only a few days, it is, even now, barely covering my expenses. I had to take out a $4000 personal loan to survive. And I was numb from reentry culture shock. My friends were all disgusted with me and I am still earning their trust back, and the relationship with my siblings was incredibly strained. I had to give up on music school (for now) because the financial aid proved impossible given my credit history. I spent two weeks in Nice, Paris and London and it might as well have been in a video game for all the impression it made on me. I was so afraid of starving that I was only able to allow the smallest amount of pleasure in.

    But the learning was rich, some of the richest I have done. Turning 32, I realized how much I was trying to literally have a second adolescence, as if I could actually go back to the moment when I sent the break up letter to Richard and step forward into the new era before me with the wisdom I had gained in the 13 years since. As if I could be 19 years old again and not go through all the pain of giving up on love and my future. “If I could do it all again, I would throw myself toward my dreams, even if I didn’t believe in myself yet, because now I know what I can do so I know I will make it.” So I threw myself to China, then to Japan, then to Music School via Europe and now here I’ve landed on my ass in Boston expecting my friends to pick up the pieces as if they were the parents I should have had to support me when I was 19. There was a lot of success, much more than there was failure, for sure. But it all felt like running, falling, shoving, flailing, forcing, hiding, pretending. Not all, that’s not fair to the moments I was awake. But I didn’t realize until I came home to Boston how much my trip had been a teenage rebellion against the limited existence of my post-Richard life. That’s fine. Everyone needs a rebellious stage. But now it is time for me to be an adult.

    The question is, how can I create the adult life worth living? A life that holds up to my ambitious expectations, overflowing with my reasons to live? And what is that subtle difference between this life and the rebellious one?

    I have some of the answers already. It would include money; enough money that the days of anxious paycheck waiting are behind me, that my debts are decreasing steadily like the weight I burned off my body. I wouldn’t be lonely; friends and loves and family would surround me. And I would feel like I was walking, not running; dancing, not dodging; touching, not flailing; confident, not afraid. Like I said, the life I have in mind is an ambitious one.

    But as I sit here today, 4 months after the date of this entry, contemplating moving back to Japan, I have to remember how it felt when I first came home, and I MUST make sure I am not running again.

    How can I return to Japan as an adult?

    Training


    2010 - 08.19

    Greetings! it’s been a while since I’ve updated and a lot has happened. This week i started training at my new English teacher job and so far I am both pretty impressed with the job description details and the support and training we have received. The company I am working for has several “luxuries” that have never been present in my other full-time teaching positions: training and observation, a pre-existing teaching system, and COURSEWARE! I cannot even tell you how excited I am that the most I will need to do in terms of writing new courseware is look up activity variations and fit them into the existing textbook lesson structure! (more…)

    Professional Appearances


    2010 - 08.03

    MORE PICS IN MEDIA SECTION

    So I am now living in a town called Yotsukaido, near Chiba city, and I am staying in the “guesthouse” for my new job’s company with a couple of other teachers until training is over. Training starts in 2 weeks on August 16th and I have until then to transform my wardrobe from funky rogue wanderer to professional teacher. Happily, I have the funds to do so through some serendipitous and generous combination of events. So the main quest is twofold: clothes, and hair. (more…)

    I got the job! I can stay in Japan!!!


    2010 - 07.26

    And it’s at the location I wanted! And they even offered to let me stay in their guest house for only $10 a day (half as expensive as the cheapest hostel) until my job starts on August 16th! Then I have a week of training, a week of paid observation, and then I start work! Holy crap! Yayayayayayayayayayay! Relieved does not even begin to describe how I feel! There is still a chance that I may have to leave the country to go get my visa, which means I would have to borrow money, but since I have a job I really could pay it back!

    The people there seem really kind and find my enthusiasm amusing, so I think this is a good fit. I am going to get a packet of info by email today, which I sign and fax back over to them to confirm my acceptance of the position. Then I need to dye my hair, acquire business clothes and my textbooks from home, and then start preparing to teach and get ready to do the dance of becoming a resident of Japan!

    I will be living in Ichihara, Chiba Prefecture; and hour away from Tokyo by train and an hour away from the beach. I am eventually going to get a scooter for beach runs. I was pretty sure they were going to offer me a job, but I was afraid it would be the other position, way out in Gunma, hours away from Tokyo… so yay! AND I get to stop applying for jobs every day! *jumps around* And today is 2 months exactly from leaving Boston!

    Protected: Money


    2010 - 07.22

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    Second interview- success!


    2010 - 07.09

    I had my second interview with American Language Schools and my interviewer said that he was recommending me for the position, and at the location I wanted. I don’t know for sure if I have the job yet, but it sounds likely! Based on my contact with the staff there, it sounds like an organized, professional, but also student-first business. I suppose only time will tell, but the teachers, at least, seem to have their heart in the right place. I was really pleased with how I interviewed, too- I was able to be myself and not just say what they wanted to hear, so I think I presented myself authentically, complete with ways I am awesome and ongoing learning projects. One question took me aback though, as he described my impressive resume and experience in education/human services, he said, “Don’t you think you’re out of our league? What should I tell my supervisor if he is worried about someone with your qualifications settling for this job? ” I didn’t know what to say for a minute, because I had been told so many times that TEFL in Japan is so competitive that I might not even be able t get a job at all. I figured having the Masters was an advantage, but with this question I am wondering if that is why I have not been getting many return queries.  I ended up saying something distinguishing teaching TEFL as a different field that I had worked in directly before (aka I was a beginner; not sure if this was a good idea, but it’s what I came up with on the spot), and the basic fact that I really wanted to do it. I don’t think I exactly answered his question, since I think what he was getting at was “What’s going to keep you from leaving when a position that pays to your qualifications offers you a job?”. And I have to admit that, if someone offered me WAY above what they were paying, of course I would consider it, but if my experience is a quality one, and the salary is enough to cover my expenses, why change? Changing would keep me from getting deeper into the expertise and relationships that I had already begun to build, and depth is the main quality I am hoping to get from my experience in Japan. So I don’t know if I was really able to communicate that in the interview, but I think my overall attitude points toward this sort of conclusion anyway, so maybe he picked up on it. He did say that several of my answers were what he was looking for, and he said he was recommending me, so I suppose it was good enough, if fumbly. But it also gave me the confidence to act with confidence in the position because my experience is valued and they are counting on me to use what I know, which is refreshing from other positions I’ve had.

    The location is, I think, ideal, based on my calculations. I wanted to be close to both Tokyo (or another major city) and a beach with big waves. Well, the waves that the surfers advised are on the pacific side, but Tokyo itself is in a bay behind a peninsula, so quite far away from the beaches. So, the city the job is in, Ichihara, Chiba Prefecture, is almost exactly half way between Tokyo and the beach! It takes about an hour to get to either, so it is possible to do weekends, for sure, and even part of the day. I will have to get some kind of transportation, probably a scooter, to hail back to my latter UCSC days if I want to go into the city for late night dancing, because my daily schedule sounds like it will be 1pm to 9pm (perfect for sleeping!) and the subway closes at midnight. Also the train stops short of the beaches, so having my own beach scooter would be ideal! And Chiba is the city that I have had the most comfort in, actually, being stranded there twice on the way to and from Kamogawa forced me to get to know the area!

    The location is here!

    The job would start with training mid_august and I would be teaching Sept 1st, to get my first paycheck Oct 1st, so I will be WWOOFing until I start to save my cash. This is starting to look like it is going to work out!

    It’s not authentic if I don’t post about the bad stuff, too.


    2010 - 07.05

    ug. today sucks. i am hiding in the common floor of the hostel i stayed at this weekend hoping they don’t notice that i checked out this morning so I can use their wifi and sleep on the couch for a couple days until my next paycheck posts. i have $20 to my name but i can’t take out the money because the smallest denomination in the ATM is more than i have in my account. so i literally have no money (a couple bucks in change) and the only food i have left is 1 piece of bread and some PB and jam. so i have been applying for every job i can find but none of them would start now, anyway (they all start the last week of august). i don’t know how i’m going to have money after 2 more weeks when my unemployment runs out. i’m pretty scared. and the WWOOF season is pretty full, too, so the hosts i have been spamming can’t take me either, which would be a free way to hang out until i get hired, and then i could just spend my last unemployment check on transportation… ug, but i would need transportation to the job, too. sucks. the money ‘wasted’ on china is really going to bite me in the ass. and i still have so much to learn about shoestringing it but have no time for a learning curve. i don’t really know how to do this all above board, but many of the people i respect for their vagabonding are somewhat ethically grey pragmatists, so maybe i just need to stop being so puritan about it. not sure yet, but i am going to need to get creative. maybe it will just suck for these 2 days and then i will have another check that i can do better with. but only 2 more left after that. also, i have no interview clothes. i really hope i can get a job, otherwise i am going to have to… come home? i don’t think there is anywhere else i am more employable than here right now. again, sucks.

    to kill time i have spent this weekend rewatching Evangelion, and am now catching up on the movies that were relased after the series, the last one just this year. there are posters all over the place for it, so i feel like i am catching up on the big thing in japan right now. however, this anime is one of the darkest, most distressing, overhaul by trauma pieces of media ever created, so my mood is very possibly being dragged into the land of melancholy by all the existential issues surfacing. but last night i wrote a very clear piece of prose on my old relationship, which, given that the theme of Evangelion could be considered as the boundaries between hearts and bodies and souls, seemed apt. so melancholy usually gives me permission to let in my own thoughts on topics that i can’t face in the day to day, so it is useful to me. and i’m not despairing, for all that i have reason to. i’m in japan, and i haven’t died yet with all the bad stuff i’ve gone through, so I will manage to work this out is some weird, sequoia-esque way as usual. i just don’t know what it’s going to look like yet and that has me nervous. i wish i could have more control than i have, but i think i have literally applied to every TEFL position posed on the web at this point, but i’m looking for more.

    the good news is, the more creative i get at surviving in japan with no money, the more real adventures i will have, and the more interesting my blog will be. so you have that to look forward to.

    time to think about what services are in place for baka gaijin who run out of money…

    Started applying for TEFL jobs yesterday…


    2010 - 07.03

    and I have an interview tomorrow at noon! It’s just a screening interview with a recruiter, but it’s for the area where that beach I like is from, so that would be awesome if it were near the coast. Farther away from Tokyo than I would like, but I’m figuring out that I am probably going to have to choose between beach and big city. Wish me luck!