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    • Archive for September, 2010

    FAQ


    2010 - 09.30

    Posted in Growth, Music School | No Comments »

    I don’t remember which travelling book I read about this in, but there is a phenomenon somewhat like the Sci Fi faster-than-light-speed-travel issue with long term, long distance travel. In faster than light (FTL) travel, the timeline of a person travelling at FTL and their loved one who stayed on Earth is often compared: a 1 month trip at FTL could take the same amount of objective time as years of the non-traveling person’s life. Many Sci Fi stories have used this unique situation to explore relationships between people with increasingly different ages: imagine trying to explain to someone who had seen you a week ago of their time all of what had happened in the years of your life. “Mundane” global travel works similarly in some ways. The person who is off traveling is experiencing a highly intense sensory experience, and thus must do a lot of processing on the fly. In addition, if they are in the linguistic minority, they are most likely only processing with themselves. Since before the trip, they were used to being in constant contact with their support group, sharing their process in somewhat live time. But while on a journey, that contact, and thus the access to the traveler’s thoughts, becomes a sporadic and somewhat highly condensed snapshot of the traveler’s actual process. The book I read about this warned of the effects of this phenomenon. Well thought out and reasonable decisions might seem compulsive or contradictory to those not traveling, and might cause concern. Unfortunately, it seems I and my support group have fallen victim to this phenomenon! My announcements regarding going to music school and possibly returning to the US has been met with confusion and shock, since I did not think to compensate for what I am now calling the FTL Effect. Enough of my peeps have asked the same sort of questions that we now have:

    Sequoia’s Frequently Asked Questions!!!

    (more…)

    the easy fight, the hard fight


    2010 - 09.27

    Posted in Body, Weight | No Comments »

    I may be a renowned warrior princess, but I much prefer the “steel yourself and manage to overcome impossible odds in one amazing transformation sequence” battles than these day-in, day-out long-term campaigns. My courage gets forgetful if things aren’t glorious enough.

    I have always been more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner. People have been awed by the fierceness of my dedication and follow through on changes I’ve wanted to make in my life that required a level of make-over that many choose to never do. In the past few years I have made several amazing changes to my life, and each, not counting the years of training, preparation and gathering of support, took only a couple months. But longer than that and my fierceness seems to fade away. This last battle I have been fighting for 10 years, and I think it has become such a familiar fight that perhaps I am attached to the fight itself. The resolutions, the changes, and then a numb forgetting of my promises to myself… combined with a low level magical thinking that someday it will fix itself… despite all I have accomplished, I have the feeling that conquering this last quest, on the battlefield I find the most difficult, will represent the most success with the quietest manifestation. A curious phenomenon, not one I find appealing, but it is in the nature of the thing– no quick fix. Maybe I can find a way to wrap my head around it to appreciate this different sort of fight… or maybe I can learn to do something that doesn’t reward in glory.

    I’m going back to music school!


    2010 - 09.21

    Posted in Growth, Music, Relationships | 1 Comment »

    I am remembering myself. Somehow, the intense personal work I have done over the past 5 years to find and free myself has finally brought me to the place I knew I would end up… actively pursuing the path indicated by my brief years of happiness before my dark time set in: 16-17, when everyone knew I was a musician, an artist, a hippy, a lover, a poet-writer, a beauty, a glorious spark full of color and energy. I knew what my dreams were, and I believed in myself. I was in love and that love encouraged me to move forward and attain my dreams at any cost. I was both accomplishing the most I ever had and was the most relaxed and rested that I had ever been. It was a golden time for me, and I learned so much about who I was and what I wanted in my life from this time. (more…)

    Saipan Vacation part 2!


    2010 - 09.21

    Posted in Saipan | No Comments »

    This is a placeholder to remind myself to tell about that crazy day where I found the secret beach with the 10,000 giant sea slugs and black-purple butterflies and the crazy rope rappelling muddy mountainside secret hideout place and all that!

    Random Saipan Vacation and musings about my home state


    2010 - 09.20

    Posted in California, Saipan | No Comments »

    So, I’m randomly on a tropical island a few hours south of Japan, Saipan, which is a US Territory… which is just a weird arrangement that makes me mainly uncomfortable. Being an American, I have seen little signs of privilege because of my passport/driver’s license, and it has made me think about the whole ‘spoils of war’ thing. I hope someday these people get their land back, and that we haven’t made them so dependent on the US by that time that they can support themselves. I know I don’t know any details of the situation, but my Native American pride feels the pain left in this place.

    But, in general, this has been a nice little adventure. I met this really sweet guy working the graveyard shift at my hotel who told me about a secret swimming spot with awesome waves that I am going to check out tomorrow. He also helped me find someone to rent a scooter to me even though my license is expired. When I went down there, it was no problem, and so now I have a scooter, just like in 1999, that I can tool around in. I am having a blast. The first thing I did was take off around the coast, even though the sun was setting. I went toward the various tourist spots that are supposed to have a great view of the ocean. Looking back toward the west, there were these HUGE clouds in the sunset… and 2 cows just hanging out on the roadside. I found a memorial of the “last command post” of the Japanese during WWII and there were some huge guns that surely had killed people in their lifetimes, which was quite moving to be near. Saipan also has a lot of stray animals (I had seen at least 3 stray dogs in town) and there was this calico cat who meewed at me the whole time, but I had no food for her or anything. Also, as twilight approached, the bugs became very aggressive and I needed to leave, so I wished her well and moved on. The bugs were so numerous that I began to be concerned that I would crash the bike from them pelting me as I rode. The stinging impacts came at a steady rhythm and I would not have been able to go on if I hadn’t had my glasses as improve goggles. I decided to go to the Grotto, which is an overlook of a rock bridge-tunnel thing that I could barely see in the fading light, but it had all the right sounds, and the breeze was a perfect temperature, and it was truly peaceful. If it hadn’t of been for the lightning flashes quickly approaching from out over the sea, I would have stayed for a long while. I got back on my moped and was less that 50 feet from where I had parked when the sky fell. Huge, huge warm drops of rain, which happily cleared the way of bugs, but soaked me through in a single minute. I stopped, thinking maybe I should wait it out back at the scenic spot, since there were coverings there, but some part of me wanted a more exciting adventure than that. I felt pretty confident with the scooter, since I know my instincts have saved me from accidents before. So I decided to continue home (about 15 miles away, I would guess). (more…)

    Teaching has become manageable!


    2010 - 09.14

    Posted in Ichihara, Teaching | No Comments »

    Just a quick post to say that teaching has now become doable. It is no longer eating my every waking hour and giving me nightmares. I ride my new folding bike to school, prep in the space between classes, teach increasingly better, then ride home and do my ‘real’ life. So the crazy time has passed and I am spending a lot of time focusing on my novel and other awesome projects that I will mention in a later post.

    Second week so much better already


    2010 - 09.07

    Posted in Ichihara, Teaching | No Comments »

    Today I feel proud of myself, accomplished and competent! This weekend I made myself relax and not prep, as I had prepping burn out and wasn’t really retaining anything. So after deciding to prep in a general sense, and use the little pauses in class to insto-prep, my classes were all successful, I didn’t make my bosses nervous by seeming unsure about the schedule, and I taught the best I have so far. So yay for relaxing! And tonight I didn’t bring home the books to prep with at all. Now I get dinner and am going to watch something. Only down thing was battling ants when I got home- apparently you have to have covered garbage cans, so shopping time! And I was able to scare the ants away with incense and rubbing lavender deodorant all over their tracks, so my hippie sensibilities are intact. bbye!

    First week of teaching


    2010 - 09.05

    Posted in Ichihara, Teaching | No Comments »

    I am so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start. I forgot how much the learning curve of a new teaching job sucks the life out of me. I begin to forget that I am anything but a teacher, and have any responsibilities or rights outside of being a teacher. I have 28 classes a week with over 75 students across 11 different curricula (4 main categories). Each of the 4 categories of curricula has a specific formula for delivering content, rituals for each transition in class, and even verbal patterns that the kids depend on for knowing what is expected. I learned in my first kids’ class that they literally only know the vocabulary, sentence patterns and instructions that they have been taught before: the difference between an ESL environment (where English is spoken around them outside of class) and the EFL environment that is Japan. I had understood this intellectually during my training, but the impact on the classroom environment is staggering. So much of what I do to entertain my native English students in my previous schools just confuse the poor students here. And I am learning quickly that “sit down” will always result in them sitting, while “have a seat” makes them all look at me funny. (more…)