I am grateful that my travels have given me the opportunity to ponder and experiment with one of the main topics I want to explore: friendship. What does it mean to be a friend? Are there criteria? Who chooses the criteria? Who judges the fitness? Is it a completely mutual process (do all parties have to agree on terms in order to move forward)? Or can one person decide that their relationship constitutes friendship and act accordingly? Is it really so shameful if intimacy is assumed too soon? Or is it worth taking the risk for fear of losing opportunities? Is being considered a friend ever truly an insult? Or conversely, is it always a compliment to be treated as a friend? (more…)
Archive for July, 2010
I got the job! I can stay in Japan!!!
2010 -
07.26
And it’s at the location I wanted! And they even offered to let me stay in their guest house for only $10 a day (half as expensive as the cheapest hostel) until my job starts on August 16th! Then I have a week of training, a week of paid observation, and then I start work! Holy crap! Yayayayayayayayayayay! Relieved does not even begin to describe how I feel! There is still a chance that I may have to leave the country to go get my visa, which means I would have to borrow money, but since I have a job I really could pay it back!
The people there seem really kind and find my enthusiasm amusing, so I think this is a good fit. I am going to get a packet of info by email today, which I sign and fax back over to them to confirm my acceptance of the position. Then I need to dye my hair, acquire business clothes and my textbooks from home, and then start preparing to teach and get ready to do the dance of becoming a resident of Japan!
I will be living in Ichihara, Chiba Prefecture; and hour away from Tokyo by train and an hour away from the beach. I am eventually going to get a scooter for beach runs. I was pretty sure they were going to offer me a job, but I was afraid it would be the other position, way out in Gunma, hours away from Tokyo… so yay! AND I get to stop applying for jobs every day! *jumps around* And today is 2 months exactly from leaving Boston!
Killing time with creativity
2010 -
07.25
So I am basically waiting around until that company tells me if I got either of the two jobs I am in the running for. One of them is in the mountains hours away from Tokyo, so I’m hoping it’s the other one, but who knows. I should hear by Wednesday, and then training is just 2.5 weeks after that.
The good new is that my writer’s block, which has been in place since 1998, has begun to lift and I suddenly have at least 3 projects I’m working on: a silly rewrite of Pirates of Penzance that involves a Pirate Queen and a kickass Mabel, an autobiography, and a sci-fi/fantasy about ‘real’ inner children. The last two may be woven into one story, if I can manage to figure out how to balance factual authenticity and elemental truth. I also have some poetry and songs and music and visual art things rambling about up there, too. An anime might just be the perfect medium to blend all of this into.
It feels so good to be in this place again. When I was in high school it was assumed by a lot of people that I would end up as a professional creative writer, but, like my singing I never had the confidence or sense of refinement that would have allowed me to integrate feedback or to really polish a work of art into something I felt was, not finished, but settled into itself. It feels really right for me to be revving up my art-side again. I fear the power of this side of me; my talent and what I could communicate and share. It’s shocking when I get a glimpse of my own freed imagination, but hey, I said this journey is all about dis-inhibiting myself, so here goes.
And I think this is only partially related to losing my PDA as this process had already started a couple weeks ago, but hey, who knows.
I lost my itouch!
2010 -
07.24
I am so pissed and sad! I even heard it fall out of it’s pocket and hit the door of the taxi as I was getting in, but at the time I thought it was just my backpack hitting the door. I realized it was missing like 1 minute later because I had just been reading a book on it and wanted to get back to it. I looked everywhere in the taxi, and when I got to my hostel and couldn’t find it, I asked the taxi driver to take me back to the train station and he wouldn’t! I was shocked! So I had to track down another taxi, but when I got there it wasn’t on the ground. I found a police officer and went through the process of getting someone who spoke English on the phone, walking around trying to find the police station and filing a report. Hopefully whoever picked it up will contact me by the email address that is on the wallpaper, but I made it decorative, and I’m afraid the amount of English might intimidate someone and they won’t see the email address. I don’t know.
I used that thing a million times every day, for reading books and playing games, taking notes that are now gone, using the map app to find my way around and, of course, my entire music collection. My laptop doesn’t have the music on it, either- it’s only on the hard drive with my friend in Boston. and i just downloaded robot unicorn attack on it, too! :P
hopefully my travel insurance will reimburse me, but as it was essentially my fault, I’m not sure.
~~~~~~~ additional~~~~~~~~~
After thinking about why this has affected me so much, I realized that the itouch was the only consistent thing that I interacted with every day, and shared my experiences with, really. In a sense, I think it was a surrogate friend to me in that it was the object that I sent my attention toward in each event each day. Without my itouch to ‘talk to’, sudden loneliness came over me as the shield of knowing my distance from my loved ones dissolved. Knowing this, I am feeling a lot better about the loss- at least I understand why I was kicking myself so hard for losing it. Perhaps it was anger at myself for choosing to leave my loved ones behind for this journey, which I still probably haven’t properly mourned. My social life has always been somewhat of a paradox, having been used to isolation as a child and yet still loving human intimacy so much. Being alone in Japan without my close friends is going to be harder on me than I realized. As I start to let in not seeing them for so long, the dream of living internationally starts to lose its lustre a bit. I’ve only been away for two months so far. It’s not always a longing for them, an emotion of missing them… rather it is like a hole in myself, and I can feel along the boundaries that something is missing, those little moments of fellowship that filled my days in Boston. I hadn’t known how much those would mean to me, especially as I was used to be alone for so long during my foundational years. During that time, I had my dog, Ginger, who was my best friend and, although brilliant for a dog, was simple enough to project my companionship needs on to. I did a similar thing with my baby siblings, too. Did I do something similar with my PDA? It makes me laugh to think so, and yet being without it there is a semblance of that same loss.
Well, at least it gives me an excuse to get the new iPhone when I buy a cell phone for Japan!
Two tiers of protected posts…
2010 -
07.18
I have found that I need two levels of protected access:
1) Very personal processing that I am only comfortable sharing with my closest intimates.
2) Posts about people that I have met on my travels that might find my website and whose feelings or reputations I don’t want to hurt with my honest negative experiences.
Since wordpress doesn’t seem to allow me to assign people to groups with different levels of access, I have created 2 different passwords.
Those of you on list 1 already have the password.
Those of you on list two is everyone I know. However, you will have to email me to get the password if you are interested in reading one of those posts. The password will always be the same across posts, so you just have to email me once.
Unfortunately, there is no way to tell, when you see the password request box, which tier it is on, so you may well try the second password and get denied if it is locked to the first subset password. If you would like to hear more about the subject line feel free to write me and I can give you a not-quite-so-intense version, because I desire feedback on all levels.
I hope this makes sense! Email me to ask if you are confused, and to get the password.
GIANT F-ING SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!!!
2010 -
07.14
okay, so you know me, i can deal with bugs. usually i’m the girl that saves the other girls from creepy crawlies. i was raised to pick up tarantulas, and even fast moving wolf spiders I will rescue and put outside. but there is one spider i cannot handle and that sends survival electric shock to my nervous system. that spider, my friends, is the orb weaver. this spider, maybe, with legs is only a couple inches in diameter. but it makes these huge webs that spanned between the trees and the house i grew up in and you could walk into them and not know where the spider was on you, and it could curl into a hard protective shell thing and then pop out and run all over you. they are the only spiders that can make me yelp or jump up and down. nevertheless, as a dutiful big sister, i often led the way down our driveway with a stick over my head and my little siblings following me, so that I would get spidered and not them.
so you should all be very proud of me that i did not scream at the top of my soprano lungs and break down the walls try to get away from this:
It’s still in there! it’s 130am right now and I made a note to others because I don’t know if it’s poisonous or not and no way am I self-sacrificial enough to try and put that thing outside! So no going to the bathroom for me. and I have to shower in the morning! When I went to put the “danger, giant spider” sign on the door… I couldn’t find it! I didn’t look very long, but it wasn’t where it had been!!!!! eeeeeeeeee! i slid the bathroom door closed, scanned the hallway, closed my door (of course, directly across hall from bathroom) and then put one of my sarongs to cover the crack at the bottom of the door… but that thing is huge! if it really wanted to get me, it could lift the sarong!!! *whimper*
And I did a web search for “big japanese spider” to see if I could find out if it was potentially deadly and thus should wake up the owner, and what do I discover? The thing is a type of orb weaver! Of course, the spider that haunts me would be kin to my original spider trauma! AAAAH! So I am so pumped full of adrenaline right now that I am actually shaking, and I am SURE I am not going to be able to go to bed anytime soon! I am sitting without my feet on the floor, barricaded in my room! So I guess I will have to watch more anime in an attempt to distract myself, though I know as soon as I decide to get in bed that I will be reminded…. uuhhhh…
It has rained every day and is raining now, and I am living in a forest in Nikko so this shouldn’t be surprising, but… GIANT F-ING SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM!
*prays* please don’t build a orb-weaver web in the bathroom…please don’t build a orb-weaver web in the bathroom…please don’t build a orb-weaver web in the bathroom…please don’t build a orb-weaver web in the bathroom…please don’t build a orb-weaver web in the bathroom…please don’t build a orb-weaver web in the bathroom…
Thank goodness this job will have an irregular commute…
2010 -
07.11
I should be working 1pm-9pm, so I will (hopefully) be able to avoid this: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7142680690427184097#
Second interview- success!
2010 -
07.09
I had my second interview with American Language Schools and my interviewer said that he was recommending me for the position, and at the location I wanted. I don’t know for sure if I have the job yet, but it sounds likely! Based on my contact with the staff there, it sounds like an organized, professional, but also student-first business. I suppose only time will tell, but the teachers, at least, seem to have their heart in the right place. I was really pleased with how I interviewed, too- I was able to be myself and not just say what they wanted to hear, so I think I presented myself authentically, complete with ways I am awesome and ongoing learning projects. One question took me aback though, as he described my impressive resume and experience in education/human services, he said, “Don’t you think you’re out of our league? What should I tell my supervisor if he is worried about someone with your qualifications settling for this job? ” I didn’t know what to say for a minute, because I had been told so many times that TEFL in Japan is so competitive that I might not even be able t get a job at all. I figured having the Masters was an advantage, but with this question I am wondering if that is why I have not been getting many return queries. I ended up saying something distinguishing teaching TEFL as a different field that I had worked in directly before (aka I was a beginner; not sure if this was a good idea, but it’s what I came up with on the spot), and the basic fact that I really wanted to do it. I don’t think I exactly answered his question, since I think what he was getting at was “What’s going to keep you from leaving when a position that pays to your qualifications offers you a job?”. And I have to admit that, if someone offered me WAY above what they were paying, of course I would consider it, but if my experience is a quality one, and the salary is enough to cover my expenses, why change? Changing would keep me from getting deeper into the expertise and relationships that I had already begun to build, and depth is the main quality I am hoping to get from my experience in Japan. So I don’t know if I was really able to communicate that in the interview, but I think my overall attitude points toward this sort of conclusion anyway, so maybe he picked up on it. He did say that several of my answers were what he was looking for, and he said he was recommending me, so I suppose it was good enough, if fumbly. But it also gave me the confidence to act with confidence in the position because my experience is valued and they are counting on me to use what I know, which is refreshing from other positions I’ve had.
The location is, I think, ideal, based on my calculations. I wanted to be close to both Tokyo (or another major city) and a beach with big waves. Well, the waves that the surfers advised are on the pacific side, but Tokyo itself is in a bay behind a peninsula, so quite far away from the beaches. So, the city the job is in, Ichihara, Chiba Prefecture, is almost exactly half way between Tokyo and the beach! It takes about an hour to get to either, so it is possible to do weekends, for sure, and even part of the day. I will have to get some kind of transportation, probably a scooter, to hail back to my latter UCSC days if I want to go into the city for late night dancing, because my daily schedule sounds like it will be 1pm to 9pm (perfect for sleeping!) and the subway closes at midnight. Also the train stops short of the beaches, so having my own beach scooter would be ideal! And Chiba is the city that I have had the most comfort in, actually, being stranded there twice on the way to and from Kamogawa forced me to get to know the area!
The location is here!
The job would start with training mid_august and I would be teaching Sept 1st, to get my first paycheck Oct 1st, so I will be WWOOFing until I start to save my cash. This is starting to look like it is going to work out!
May everyone have someone they can sing this to…
2010 -
07.07
Whenever I need a good cry, I listen to this song, sung by Hitomi in the anime Escaflowne. Just finished crying my way through the last 5 episodes of Wolf’s Rain, and had to bring out more Yoko Kanno to top it off. She is such a goddess, and I am such the fool for her. I always knew what this song was about before ever knowing any Japanese… you can just feel it.
also for Katherine, who shares my heartbreak-joy.
Must resist exploding all rugby…
2010 -
07.06
I am so hungry. I am also going to kill the giant 24+ british rugby team that has been here the whole time i’ve been. they’re so loud (until 4am), they trash the place (to the extent that the damages they have to pay are ‘less than kyoto’, which implies they go from place to place detraying things) and completely the most unabashed misogynistic and homophobic and racist utterly low people i have ever personally seen in action. i’m guessing they are all in college, so suddenly i am appreciating the maturity of my college friends. i have no idea why they are in japan because all they seem to want to do is ’shag Jap birds’ and then complain about STDs. i know way more about their habits than i should by sitting here in the common area on my computer. they are so loud, they are an entire pub all by themselves, and my ears ring when they shout at each other. i just cover my ears when there is a goal on FIFA. they went out to drink, and have now come back with six packs of beer each. please tell me this isn’t a british guy thing… it makes me appreciate my resident british guy 400% more than i already do! but, they have food, so i am jealous. *drinks more tea*
I love the upswings the best…
2010 -
07.06
So a WWOOF host got back to me! On July 8th I will be helping out at a lodge in Nikko, one of the most famous places for temples, waterfalls and onsen! Not much to complain about, especially as the physical labor potential is much lower that some of the other ones that I applied to (one was with a lumberjack, even)! They need help with hotel-like tasks, and their website, and landscaping tasks. So I get paid in 2 days, and then it only costs $30 to get there, and I will be able to save most of the rest because the work is in exchange for room and board. So they have net access so I can do interviews and apply for jobs while I’m there, too! So, as long as I don’t die of starvation tomorrow (which would be really impressive) then this should cover the difficult patch until I get a job. I should be able to stay with them until then, I think. Yay! and PHEW!
It’s not authentic if I don’t post about the bad stuff, too.
2010 -
07.05
ug. today sucks. i am hiding in the common floor of the hostel i stayed at this weekend hoping they don’t notice that i checked out this morning so I can use their wifi and sleep on the couch for a couple days until my next paycheck posts. i have $20 to my name but i can’t take out the money because the smallest denomination in the ATM is more than i have in my account. so i literally have no money (a couple bucks in change) and the only food i have left is 1 piece of bread and some PB and jam. so i have been applying for every job i can find but none of them would start now, anyway (they all start the last week of august). i don’t know how i’m going to have money after 2 more weeks when my unemployment runs out. i’m pretty scared. and the WWOOF season is pretty full, too, so the hosts i have been spamming can’t take me either, which would be a free way to hang out until i get hired, and then i could just spend my last unemployment check on transportation… ug, but i would need transportation to the job, too. sucks. the money ‘wasted’ on china is really going to bite me in the ass. and i still have so much to learn about shoestringing it but have no time for a learning curve. i don’t really know how to do this all above board, but many of the people i respect for their vagabonding are somewhat ethically grey pragmatists, so maybe i just need to stop being so puritan about it. not sure yet, but i am going to need to get creative. maybe it will just suck for these 2 days and then i will have another check that i can do better with. but only 2 more left after that. also, i have no interview clothes. i really hope i can get a job, otherwise i am going to have to… come home? i don’t think there is anywhere else i am more employable than here right now. again, sucks.
to kill time i have spent this weekend rewatching Evangelion, and am now catching up on the movies that were relased after the series, the last one just this year. there are posters all over the place for it, so i feel like i am catching up on the big thing in japan right now. however, this anime is one of the darkest, most distressing, overhaul by trauma pieces of media ever created, so my mood is very possibly being dragged into the land of melancholy by all the existential issues surfacing. but last night i wrote a very clear piece of prose on my old relationship, which, given that the theme of Evangelion could be considered as the boundaries between hearts and bodies and souls, seemed apt. so melancholy usually gives me permission to let in my own thoughts on topics that i can’t face in the day to day, so it is useful to me. and i’m not despairing, for all that i have reason to. i’m in japan, and i haven’t died yet with all the bad stuff i’ve gone through, so I will manage to work this out is some weird, sequoia-esque way as usual. i just don’t know what it’s going to look like yet and that has me nervous. i wish i could have more control than i have, but i think i have literally applied to every TEFL position posed on the web at this point, but i’m looking for more.
the good news is, the more creative i get at surviving in japan with no money, the more real adventures i will have, and the more interesting my blog will be. so you have that to look forward to.
time to think about what services are in place for baka gaijin who run out of money…
Started applying for TEFL jobs yesterday…
2010 -
07.03
and I have an interview tomorrow at noon! It’s just a screening interview with a recruiter, but it’s for the area where that beach I like is from, so that would be awesome if it were near the coast. Farther away from Tokyo than I would like, but I’m figuring out that I am probably going to have to choose between beach and big city. Wish me luck!
Chiba and Kamogawa
2010 -
07.02
Shanghai is apparently going to get neglected in my blog, because most of those impressions proved fleeting in the face of my first week in Japan. Except for the pretty substantial amount of monetary stress I am under to find a job, I am having an amazing time. Japan is a lot of what I thought it would be, which surprises me, actually, given the hype about it being completely unfathomable to westerners. I am learning the language at a rate I am quite happy with, as most of it is doing a more permanent matching of audio to subtitles and then making myself say it out loud and get over stage fright. Some phrases I can say only when NOT looking at the romanji, which makes me wonder if I am saying them right, but I know for sure that they sound weird when I try to say them as written, even at semi-proper speeds. For several days, the phrase ‘wakarimasen’ was going through my head, usually appearing when a conversation hit an obstacle that I didn’t know how to get around. But I didn’t know what wakarimasen meant until I looked it up. It means ‘I don’t understand’! So I knew what to say, but I didn’t let my instinct go through. (more…)